Friday, November 19, 2010


Most people can go out and grab a bite to eat without any worries at all, but for a person with OCD going out or even stepping out of the house for that matter is quite a challenge. When one chooses a restaurant, it's assumed they would choose a place because they love the food, but an individual with OCD has plenty of other factors to manage before taste would even come in to a factor. I guess this is why I can only eat from certain places, which i have approved before hand. The approval process is intensive, I watch the staff, check out their personal hygeine, survey the area, check if the tables are wiped, what kind of cutlery i see others eating from etc. I mean I certainly wouldn't eat from a table where the cutlery was already set out, I mean how many people could have touched it since it has been out, or how many people might have coughed or sneezed and their germs are smothered all over cutlery.

Oh I also forgot to mention even if I decided that I liked that place, it would also have to have drinks avaliable in bottles, sealed of course. I mean I carn't drink where incapable staff would drop lids on the floor then pick the lid back up and poor contaminated drink into the cup.

I know for some this may seem in excess but i carn't take any risks when it comes to my body.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

So no idea where to begin but let's start.  So i have OCD, which is Obessive Compulsive Disorder. I would say mine is not the most common OCD condition where one will constantly count, sort or check things. Mine is a combination of washing, cleaning and a fear that everyone, yes even my own family can potential contaminate me and make me and my clothes dirty.

It was three years ago when i first began to develop these symptoms, up until then i was a normal self obsessed teenager who would complain over the smallest things. the most important part of my day was making sure that i completed my exercise routine and got to do the things that were cool like hanging out with friends, boys,  straightening my car and ensuring that i was always looking good.
Something change, almost overnight i would say; one day i broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years because all of a sudden i was sick of him and his ways, i felt that he wasn't interested in me anymore and that i deserved more. Days turned into months and the boyfriend break-up went back and forth, we kept seeing each other then stopping and cutting all contact again. During this time i threw myself into work, i used to manage at Mc Donald's and somehow ended up getting caught in a work place romance with another manager. As time went by i started to go out more, smoking and drinking as you do when your 19years old.

I would basically work just so that i could go out and get drunk, loving all the new attention i was getting as i had never been single before, but it wasn't all good. Before this mid-life crisis or should i say young life crisis emerged i was quite shy, hated the thought of going out and even speaking to other guys, but at this time i thought that was what my life was about.  I remember this period lasting for about 6 months; I would work, go out, get drunk and come home anywhere between 5-6am, have a few hours nap and then be off early to work again. This cycle continued for quite a while.

It was one morning after coming back from clubbing, i decided i needed to shower i felt greasy and like it was the first thing i wanted to do. I think i was probably still tipsy at this time but i made it into the shower and began scrubbing with soap and drenching my hair is shampoo so i could feel ultra fresh. I was in the shower for about 40 minutes, i couldn't bring myself to get out, i had to keep scrubbing and scrubbing until i felt totally clean and then in which case i dragged myself into my room and just slept on top of my bed.

I think this was the start of my OCD contamination disorder. A a couple of months back i would have never showered for 40 minutes, let alone scrub so intensely, but that morning it seemed like it had to be done.